I have learned that removing oneself from their experience in order to find an objective quality to reality is a challenge indeed. It seems that as awareness increases with humility and reverence, so does confidence and knowing. The paradox is in the battle of heart and mind. Life in the subtle frames of spinning chakras and acquiescence to the Divine has many trials and tribulations. Engaging the Divine Flow in my life, through the eternal yet transient, has filled my life with experiences of deep love and truth.

My personal influences in the interpretations of the living awareness process have been folks from many professions - Bibliography. Experience, on the other hand, leads me to say that had I not the direct experience of some phenomenal things, up close and personal, I'd be REAL reluctant to believe some or maybe all of the writings I've compiled here. Suffice it that you don't believe a thing.... Another's experience doesn't matter anyway. It is your own that counts as it is made personal, real and true. Ponder the possibilities of synchronistic serendipity leading your personal experience of daily living.

I remain rather aloof and observant of the eventual outcomes as the spiritual life is way beyond my own personal stuff and yet the personal stuff is where it is exemplified. My personal connection with Christ Consciousness and the determination to living in integrity with anthropic intent rules my mind and heart. I am still in discovery and recovery of the possibilities of an awakened consciousness.  Cyberspace allows the freedom to share, so I AM. What do I have to lose anyway? Many who once thought me to be a bit 'nuts' have grown in their own quest for understanding and learned some hard lessons. May they continue to be blessed.

The links to the left go into further details on various experiences and perspectives. The many writings cover topics from early memories of telepathic communication, UFOs and OBEs, to later experiences of multiple dimensions of time and space similar to 'Contact' and 'The Matrix' movies portray. My experiences predated the movies by decades. It was so comforting to know that others took the time to produce such works of art, whether or not their experiences were reflected in them. Everything points to the center of one's being, the connecting point of consciousness on the cosmic grid of eternal flow. Forgiveness and gratitude are unmistakable advantages to life. It ripples through consciousness and time like the graphic of the Fibonacci sequence below.

I've often thought that my early adoption might have set me up psychologically for living the impersonal life as I felt the family connection, yet there was still a distance in the relationships. Quite serendipitously, my adoptive parents encouraged intellectual and physical pursuits, yet they were challenged by my inquiries beyond their personal experiences. In my youth I experienced many paranormal occurrences, but shared few after my initial 'hey you' initiation. I did attend Sunday School, though, where I began to understand Christ's teachings in a much different way that was intended.

After sharing a life-altering event shortly after my 18th birthday, they became quite concerned about my sanity caused by the paradox of love for me and fear of my seeming diversion from normal reality. Megalomania and the Messianic Complex befalls a number of experiencers during the early stages of their path to understanding, especially after their initiation into the Light. If they are able to remain aware and observant, one realizes that an inspired life is unfolding from moment to moment. I have a great admiration and love for my parents now, especially after becoming a father and grandfather.

I began to question my sanity again in my early 30s when I was given the name 'Zendor' via a guy 15 years my senior one night after having asked, "Who am I?" Strange thing was, I didn't verbalize my question. He simply blurted out, "You are Zendor" within seconds of my internal question. At the same instant I saw a starscape with a stone-arched wooden door in the center of it, slowly opening toward me. What does one do with such an extraordinary experience? How does one integrate this deeply connected Self with the self of daily duty and responsibility? I'm still working on the answer after a half-century.

I also share a personal testimony of Jesus Christ that many in the world of organized religion would probably label blasphemous. It is what it is. As I understand it, Jesus makes no separation of religious affiliation, cultural bigotry, national boundary, or political allegiance for that matter. He is a our brother, not necessarily a savior (not everyone has awareness of him), although access to him is nonetheless available. He does epitomize the 'son of God' just as he said we could. We are individually responsible for our connection with creator(s). All of us are sons and daughters of our material/spiritual parents from long ago. They are are responsible for both our human creation and our solar system, which we have yet to understand completely. We still tend to separate rather than harmonize.

The zen master within Christ's spiritual stewardship is quite obvious. His message of the Kingdom being at hand (or rather, 'within') simply meant one's spiritual integrity leads to harmony of people - I will include 'and planet' as a reference to actions of conscience. As Jesus said, "When your enemy is thirsty, give him water. When he is hungry, give him food." How can we live in duality and still speak of unconditional love and oneness? The 'what is' of our spiritual path is that WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. A fearful ego tends to create separation while a loving ego tends to find collaboration in service.

Love your neighbor as yourself and live in the knowledge that you are god just as much as your enemy is god. This is only an example of the polarity paradigm paralysis that humankind is caught in. This is the GREAT LIE. We are ONE and God WILL dwell with man, even though actions of ego and the little self keeps us in a state of chaos. Imagine, as the definition of 'satan' suggests (from the Greek 'thetan' which means 'thinker'), that our battles are only of the mind. We create the duality by our belief systems and superstition rather than the facts of science and the new understanding of limitless oscillating vibrational energy (love) permeating creation.

Sri Aurobindo once said that in order to find your center you must leap into the middle of chaos or confusion. The awareness of non-dualistic living promotes the discovery of the transcendent universal processes.  It is quite the challenge in the face of the 'apparent' reality of the threat of terror. Here's a thought: Ancient Chinese philosophy of war is to divide the people against themselves through creating hostility between them. Let us begin to consider peace and harmony. This discovery leads to the experience of consciousness and the Unity of the Cosmos. This is the Dream of the innocent child: to play with other children in harmony... to love and be loved.

In the links to the left you will find various attempts at communicating, relating some of my experiences, including some things on the fringe of psychospiritual and scientific exploration in relation to the process of self-actualization (understanding that we are gods in embryo). The false belief systems of fear, guilt and shame have kept many from finding their true path in connection with ALL THAT IS that is WITHIN US ALL, just waiting to explode/implode... rising from the ashes of the PHIre. Phoenix rises within us all in these times of planetary transformation. As Jesus was quoted as saying, "The Word is in your heart." This means it is not static but ever-present and available.

Herman Hesse once wrote, "Every transition from major to minor in a sonata, every transformation of a myth or a religious cult, every classical or artistic formulation was, I realized in that flashing moment, if seen with truly a meditative mind, nothing but a direct route into the interior of the cosmic mystery, where in the alternation between inhaling and exhaling, between heaven and earth, between Yin and Yang, holiness is forever being created."

Buried deep within us, behind all of the internal dialog and mental chatter, is the Voice of the Soul. It has long been said that 'in the depths of silence is the Voice of Being.' It is the same in my experience. All principle processes (self-awareness and actualization) are the same for everyone, even though the individual expressions of Divinity, your True Self, are as different as individual snowflakes. We all have passions for a purpose much greater than we currently serve (except in rare instances), yet we allow ourselves to be locked into the safety and security of worldly endeavors, i.e., a career or job, that are only partially fulfilling while 'paying the bills.' Trials and tribulations in the travails can be transcended through faith, trust and allowing change in our lives.

Admittedly this Work is nothing short of an all-consuming effort to attempt to make sense of all this experiential existence. I've done my best to relate as objectively as I can, and I don't expect you to understand everything. I sure as heck don't yet. I'm not always comfortable in my own discovery process, so how can I expect another to comprehend the incomprehensible. Evolving into the Path of Soul is not a 'get rich quick' scheme. It takes time, patience, unconditional love, and a constant vigilance regarding your own actions and thoughts, which often leads to key elements of forgiveness and gratitude. For me, everything is sacred yet nothing is sacred. Simply, all things are open to sincere questioning... including my own experience. Every question has an answer. Are we asking the right ones?

 Something much bigger than we are is unfolding through all of us now. Want to take a ride?

Zardo on Zendor

"Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations."
--Henry David Thoreau   

"A point of perspection dances in the balance of the seer's vision."
Zen Benefiel